And I'll Burn This Halo

If you want to know my back story and everything about me...go here.
On a separate, yet much more important note: I've come to the sad realization that things are not, and things will never be the same. Things will never go back to the way they were because that is not the way of things. I realized recently that no matter what I cannot undo the things that I have done and the people I love know this better than I.
My girlfriend and I are very happy. Tonight on the way home from Carroll, we stopped at a McDonald's along the way and while we were in the Drive-Thru, she pulled the car out of the line and into a parking space where we ended up talking for the better part of an hour about what was wrong with me. As of recently I have been trying to let go of small things that irk me in life, i.e. the douchebags on my floor (incompetent assholes, the lot of them), petty fights between friends, money issues, family issues. Most of these which are small things, but nonetheless irk me. As a part of our conversation I expressed how I felt like I had to be sorry for almost everything I did that was wrong. I do this simply because I am afraid of losing the one I call my soul mate. I love her with all my heart and I fear that if I do the wrong thing she would leave, there were many other fears that accompany this, but the main one was this. I was so afraid that if I continue to fuck up, she would leave. She was kind enough to inform me that I wasn't fucking up, that all she needed in life was me, that I was her world. While this monologue had been said before, this seemed more sincere. This helped but there were still things bothering me which I was eager enough to express.
I find myself in more and more conundrums as the year progresses, they are scattered and dragged too far all over the place for me to ever even begin to explain. But if you'd like a taste, I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do for registration(and I'm pretty sure my advisor hates me), my roommates are quarreling, I'm sick, Melissa is sick, and there are so many other little things I wish I could get rid of. My girlfriend is most likely going to work at the same job she did last summer and so am I. This means that neither of us will see much of the other and it's going to be very, very rough on the both of us.
I haven't had time to myself. I haven't found time to simply find a beautiful place to sit and stare and contemplate the world. The campus is too cold, due to winter rearing it's ugly head around Waukesha. I so wish I could live down south where the weather isn't indefinitely shitty. I cannot live in cold climates...it just isn't in my blood...ok well being Native American...it should be, but in any case I hate the cold.
I find myself feeling sorry for people more and more. I don't know if people want my pity or if they just want me to leave them alone but no matter what I can't help feeling like I need to start doing something, maybe volunteer again, I need to do something where I can be in a comfortable place and do something that I love. I need to do something more productive in my life.
The biggest problem I face right now is deciding where home is. I'm beginning to lose that feeling of home that Carroll once harbored inside me. I think it may be a slow steady decline in the quality that my friendships once held at the beginning of the year. I feel like I'm going to lose a lot when this summer rolls around and the sad part is, is that it's right around the corner. I feel helpless and out of control, like no matter what I am doomed to have the shittiest summer ever (again). I can only watch, hope, and pray that I do not lose everything and that everything I do do will not be in vain.