Being adopted is not something most people dream of being. Every now and then kids will sit in their rooms, pissed off at their parents, wishing they were adopted but then they realize how good their relationship is with their parents. Sure they get into squabbles often, but there is a connection so much deeper than anyone really knows.
Everyone knows someone who is adopted, whether directly or via someone else. I did a joint research paper freshman year of college on why adoption is favored over abortion and what the advantages and disadvantages of being adopted were. Statistics and facts are great and when it comes right down to it, you can't put statistics on feelings.
My parents and I fight on a daily basis like bad neighbors, like I am a tenant in a free apartment. Having a roof over your head, having meals, etc. are great and they are the nicest thing that someone can do for anyone, but there are two words for it: hospitality and obligation.
I believe that my parents honestly wish they had never adopted me, they have said so before, out of anger. But the only thing is those times are when we say what we truly feel. Before I left to come back to school my mother had made a comment saying that she was going to "Make me as miserable as I have made her." Mind you my mother is constantly telling me that I make her life a living hell, she says that I talk to my friends the same way I talk to her, this is not the truth. I tell her I only talk to her like this because she confronts me and starts making accusations and assumptions. There is only so much that a person can take, and I don't take it anymore. I stick up for myself, for my friends, and for what I believe in. That rarely ever goes well, my dad usually gets involved somehow and things get ugly. For some reason none of us can ever make it through a single day without fighting.
I told my mother before I left that she would call me three times within the first day of my moving back to school and that I wouldn't answer, she didn't believe me. I hadn't talked to them since Wednesday and went all the way until yesterday before I talked to them. They called me a total of 13 times over the course of that time span. I didn't want to talk to her about anything, because there was no point in talking to her because she doesn't listen, so until she actually listened I wasn't going to talk to her. I knew she only wanted to know how much my books were, how my class was, and how the apartment is. I talked to my grandmother and as I was hanging up, my mother calls. I decided to answer. We talked, there was tension, and we ended up fighting, I don't solely blame my mother for this, but I think she could have been a little nicer on the phone and so could I.
I don't have a good relationship with my mother and there's no mother-son connection, because when it comes right down to it, my mother is a heartless bitch. Ask my father, he'll tell you the same thing. He hasn't been happy for a good 10 years at least. I begin to blame myself for their unhappiness, but I don't know if thats the case. I don't ask for a lot from my parents, I really don't. All I really want from them is to listen to the stupid shit I talk about. I know that they don't care about music, movies and video games, but they could at least ACT like they give a shit. They don't even try, they think that they are above my stupid crap. All they ever do is yell at me about how bad my grades are, how horrible of a son I am, how much I've hurt them, how I don't listen, how I need to stop spending money, how I need to plan for the future, etc. I am no longer a teenager and I think they are still in denial about that. I think they want me to stay young and continue being a child forever. They always tell me I'm not old enough to do this or that, I am going to be 21 in a month. I know that turning 21 does not make you all-knowing, but it does mean I'm not a child, they do not understand this. It's hard for me to have any freedom, that is why school is my home. I have freedom and independence. People here share my interests and they listen to me and that's all I have ever really wanted.
My whole life I have searched for a connection with an adult figure and I haven't been able to find it and that hurts a lot. I honestly believe that I have more of a connection with someone I have never met and the sad thing is the relationship with my parents has come to nothing more than apathy between all of us. It's sad but true.
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