I Just Kinda Died for You, You Just Kinda Stared At Me

I'm feeling excruciatingly nostalgic right now in this fit of insomnia.
I've haven't been able to go to sleep before 5 since November and yes I know that if I sleep then I'm really not an insomniac, but it's that condition of not being able to or your body telling you that you aren't ready to sleep yet so just deal with it. Imagine remembering everything in your life, everyday and not being able to stop thinking about everything you've ever done. It's a helluva lot like that for me.

This week has been on the straight road to sucking hard and there has been no redeeming quality about it except traveling with my roommates to Mukwonago for some stuff to attempt to repair an old beat up Xbox.

I have so many inspirational thoughts floating around in my head right now and I don't think I can stop listening to Aurora. It strikes a chord as most songs do when I hear one and I get addicted. In an interview with Dave Grohl, he said Aurora reminded him of everything home was to him. It reminded him of where he grew up and at the end of the interview stated that it is by far his favorite song the Foo Fighters have ever performed/written, he also stated that this song meaning wise was the deepest and heaviest song he has ever written.

I'm at that point in my life right now where I'm so afraid to move forward because I have an amazing thing going and it's safe here and I'm remembering all the places I've lived and been and all of the things that I've done in my past and the fact that I've done so much and at the same time done so little is terrifying.

Some part of me should shoot myself because of what I'm about to say because I never thought that the Foo Fighters and John Mayer would ever land on the same page but I think that where I'm at now in life is what John Mayer in his song "Why Georgia." I'm afraid to move forward and do what I have to in order to grow and develop because I know it means two things:

1.) I can never go back to this. I can never come back to this, like the island, I can never come back. Once I leave this place will become death to me. College is second nature now and I don't know how else to function otherwise and I think that is the curse college students face, that once they have invested so much time here that they don't know how to function in any other setting.

2.) I will no longer be in a safe zone and all bets are off once I'm done. It's a scary thought knowing you can't go back and I know how and why someone would never want let go of a great thing especially if it meant safety and reassurance.

I think that's why I have invested so deeply in friendships, because that way I make excuses for myself and reasons why I shouldn't let go and why I can't let go. In reality I think that I've made my life that much more difficult because of it. Now it's going to hurt so much when I have to call it and finish this chapter in my life. One upside to this is that I can inform other people not to make the same mistakes and make friendships permanent. I'm not saying don't make lasting friends but if it isn't worth it to be friends with someone then don't bother and even if they seem like they may not be worth it, don't bother. I'm learning this now and it's tearing me up inside.
I've made sacrifices, God have I made sacrifices in my life. The worst part is when someone tells you that only think about yourself and that you don't care about anyone else when that is the farthest thing from the truth.

I digress...

I think that this may become a standard thing.
Insomniablogging?
Yeah, insomniablogging.
Blog as I struggle to stay awake because some part of me believes there is something worth staying up for.

I'm going home this weekend for my Dad's birthday, my mom hasn't told him she's taking him to Vegas. She's going to tell him the morning of their flight at 3:30 a.m. Anyone else see a potential problem here? My father is a heavy sleeper who doesn't function in the morning without coffee and cigarettes. My mom doesn't know this though. I smell a sitcom! Not really. If I were him, I'd be so fucking pissed...just because I had to wake up thinking I was getting ready for work and this is also a bad idea because both of my parents are going to be cranky as shit. There are so many things that are going to go wrong.

We shall see, but until then I'll see you tomorrow hopefully.