Well it caught up and honestly the weight of my decisions were impossible to hold...

Two words resound in my head:
Holy fuck...
Some more words resound as well:
What the fuck?
What do I do?
I don't know anymore (this one is popular here)

If I could only express the way I'm feeling about a lot of things right now and how being drunk earlier affected the way I'm thinking right now. No, not in a bad way, just that it's interesting that seemingly strange things happen to me when drunk or intoxicated.

My stomach has been spasming all day and it doesn't feel so good.

I don't know what the fuck I'm even THINKING about right now, that's how ridiculous this is and fuck Eloise Hawking.
"Stop thinking about how ridiculous it is and start asking yourself whether or not you believe it will work."
Stupid jerk...

I find it funny that I have found a way to relate the way I'm feeling lately to something from Lost, I suppose only because it's seemingly the only thing that makes any fucking sense right now, retarded I know right?

If it's meant to be, it will be, and I have two more words for the Powers that Be:
FUCK DESTINY!
and two more:
FUCK FATE!

Because I sincerely believe every time I get close to knowing what in fuck's name is going on, I get the hit-by-pitch-curveball.

Status Report:
Mentally- ?? Where are we captain? I'm stupider than mud fucked by inbreeds.
Emotionally - This rollercoaster sucks, it's like Vertical Velocity
Physically - Don't even ask...cause if there was a word for this people wouldn't know how to pronounce it. Like no one knows the correct spelling or pronunciation of Cthulu, it's a lot like that in my stomach and physical being right now....fuck.

It's depressing that there's no easy way of figuring out how I should feel about this situation.
1.) Move on and find someone else
2.) Move on and whore myself out (not the likely choice)
3.) Don't move on and give this time.
4.) Don't move on and confuse myself more thoroughly
5.) Wake up to realize none of this resembles a dream at all, pick one of the above.
6.) Sleep it off and perform one of the above.
7.) Take more time for me, and do all of the above.
8.) Fuck the above and choose option X. No one ever chooses option X. Something about monsters and security and chemicals and shit. They just didn't get the memo, slackers.

Pardon my use of profanity or don't, not like I care. I'm at a point where it seems like everything has become much harder than it absoultely needs to be. All I know for sure right now is this:

• I have a pulse.
• I'm breathing
• I have contact to the outside world
• My car is not here
• I wan't a dog.
• I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to move on.
• I feel like I feel when I'm about to take a final I didn't study for. I have the chills and I'm pretty sure I should sleep.
• I don't want to hurt anyone else.
• I'm SO FUCKING LOST! (not about Lost, surprisingly)
  
• "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us."
• Is doing a mental disk check, look it up if you don't know what it means.

Where to from here? Who knows? All I know is where I'm going I don't need roads and I need to figure my shit out. I wish some sweet ass galactic adventure like Claudio Kilgannon and then I can blow up planets and shit then come back and realize "hurr durr, nothings left."
Either way, I'm insomniablogging again and I love it...I really need to get my shit straight and in a relatively timely manner, preferably.
I need to talk to some people...scratch that a lot of people and maybe I'll have some idea of what to do, right now however I'm still kind of a mess.

In Jack Shephard faces (also known as Jackface), this is how I feel right now, in no particular order:




There are some things not stated here and I will be able to understand them better in due time. So many things...

"But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep..."